Divorce: A Social Epidemic by Emma Sims

           

        When a couple gets married, they promise to love and cherish each other for as long as they both shall live. From then on, they build their lives together, even adding more to the family. They are truly happy, and they are there for each other. But, as time passes, things change. Lately, they no longer see eye to eye on anything. They are having arguments every night as their young children listen to every mean thing that is being said. After a few months of this, they decide that the best thing to do is get a divorce, having no idea what kind of harm it will cause on each other and their children. Divorce is truly an epidemic, affecting almost 50% of all marriages in the United States (Marriage & Divorce 1). Not only does it affect the mates, but also the children if they have any. Divorce can take a toll on the parents and children mentally, physically, educationally, and socially (1). Can anything be done to stop this destructive epidemic?

History

Divorce has been around since mankind’s beginning. In 1513 B.C.E., the Mosaic Law gives an early law on divorce, saying that a husband can divorce his wife if he finds something indecent about her (Honor “What God Has Yoked Together” 1). The indecency he found could not be mild; it needed to be serious. But by the first century C.E., followers of this law badly misinterpreted it by divorcing on every sort of ground they could find or make up (1). In ancient Rome, husbands were not allowed to divorce their wives, but they could kill their wives in order to end their marriage, possibly to marry another woman (Divorce 1). Because of this, Rome passed a law legalizing divorce, which also made the husband financially support his ex-wives, showing early evidence of alimony (1). Early on in patriarchal countries, which was most countries, women had very few legal rights in general but especially came to getting a divorce (1). If a woman at that time were to get divorced, she would have little means to provide for herself (1). So as time passed, divorces became more uncommon. The Roman Catholic Church’s ban on divorce also contributed to low divorce rates (1). But by the middle of the twentieth century, divorces were legal in most European countries and easier financially, and ever since then, divorce rates have been on the rise (1). In America, the 1960’s and 1970’s are known as the divorce revolution when the divorce rate more than doubled (Wilcox 1). Now, 50% of marriages in America end in divorce (Marriage and Divorce 1). This is only the surface of the history of divorce, but it shows that divorce was different for everyone depending on the time in history, their sex, country, religion, and so on.

Social Effects

The sad effects of divorce can be seen worldwide. Wherever a person lives, divorce can be painful before, during, and after the process because of the stressful changes. Moving, adjusting to living alone, new financial arrangements, dividing the household items, telling family and friends, healing, and moving on can cause great emotional strain (Leopold and Kalmijn 1). When dependent children are involved, the stresses and sufferings are even greater. Divorced women with children find it harder than divorced women without children to get a job, thus making it harder for her economically (1). Divorced mothers also find it harder to start a new relationship again which keeps the economic and emotional strain (1). Although a divorced couple may not want to see each other again, if children are involved, they must keep in touch for financial and custody reasons (1). This adds additional conflict. Fathers also experience emotional detriment. The divorce alone causes distress, and most fathers lose custody of their children and do not see them on a day to day basis (1). Overall, divorce causes emotional, social, and financial difficulties among the couple.

The upsetting effects of divorce are especially seen in the United States of America. Researchers Patrick Fagan and Robert Rector of The Heritage Foundation discovered this shocking statistic that “Each year, over 1 million American children suffer the divorce of their parents; moreover, half of the children born this year to parents who are married will see their parents’ divorce before they turn 18” (Fagan and Rector 1). They also found that only 42% of children in America ages, 14 to 18, live in a first marriage household (1). It seems that divorce in America is becoming normal, but this is not a good norm. If children are involved, they suffer right along with the parents. Children of divorced parents show less academic stability, often performing more poorly in school which leads to lower grades and some having to repeat grade levels (1). Such children also have higher dropout rates and lower college graduation rates (1). Children of divorced parents are also more likely to exhibit more behavioral and emotional problems with higher rates of drug abuse and suicide (1). It is estimated that if the United States enjoyed the same level of family stability today as it did in 1960, the United States would have approximately 70,000 fewer suicide attempts every year (Wilcox 1). Clearly the effects of divorce have a hard hit on America and its children today.

In each society, divorce has its negative effects, one of these being poverty. Families that have suffered from a divorce can expect to see their income drop, some up to 50%, which has moved almost 50% of divorced families into poverty (1). Divorce also leads to higher rates of cohabitation and fewer marriages in a society. When children see their parents divorce, they are less likely to commit to a relationship, leading to more cohabitations and fewer marriages today (Perelli-Harris et al 1).

Examples

One teen’s parents were divorced when she was about four years old, and her mother was divorced again when she was sixteen. She remembers having to move from apartment to apartment and from house to house. She also remembers feeling left out because most of her friends' parents were not divorced, and they got to see their fathers every day. She only saw her father every other weekend and one day a week, missing him often. It saddens her to think about their divorce, and what life would have been like if it had not happened. Time has helped her heal, but she still wishes no one has to experience the same things she has, or even worse.

One writer who works with the Chicago Tribune writes about her divorce. She says that she was greatly worried about her children’s happiness and was upset to see her children pack up and leave to go with their father. She writes, “I often cry, still, when they leave. It hasn’t stopped feeling like a wholly unnatural disruption to send them packing, and it’s hard to accept them making family memories without me” (Stevens 1). When her children were invited to social events, she writes, "I used to cringe a little when I had to say things like, ‘She can’t come; she’ll be at her dad’s that day’ to teachers and coaches, neighbors and friends. They’ll judge, I worried” (1).

Solutions

“Marriage at a very young age increases the likelihood of divorce, especially in the early years of marriage.” (“How Common Is Divorce and What Are the Reasons?” 1). When a person is young, they are not fully aware of what is needed in being a husband or wife. There are certain qualities required, and young ones do not know if they have these qualities. So instead of figuring these things out before they get married, they figure it out during the marriage, which can cause problems. Romantic feelings in younger people are very high, so many young ones rush to get married. This can lead to rushing to get a partner who may not be right for them, and this will prove problematic later on. When these problems arise, an easy solution to them is divorce. So, one solution to this divorce epidemic is teaching young ones how big of a responsibility being a husband or wife is and advising them to marry at a later age until they are mature enough to take on this responsibility.

“Couples who live together before marriage appear to have a higher chance of divorce if they marry, but the risk is mostly true for those who have cohabited with multiple partners” (“How Common Is Divorce and What Are the Reasons?” 1). People who cohabit show that they are afraid of a big commitment such as marriage, so they tend to be more lenient to divorce. So, another solution to divorces is letting those who want to cohabit know that cohabitation increases the chances of divorce, not decreases as many believe (1).

No religious affiliation can be another cause of divorce (“How Common Is Divorce and What Are the Reasons?” 1). “Researchers have estimated those with a religious affiliation compared to those who belong to no religious group are less likely to divorce” (1). Those involved in religion are reminded of the importance and sanctity of marriage. So, if a couple is experiencing marital problems and are thinking of divorce, they should consider getting involved in religion, where they can strengthen their marriage.

“Unfortunately, experiencing the divorce of your parents doubles your risk for divorce.” (“How Common Is Divorce and What Are the Reasons?” 1). Children learn most of their life skills from their parents, so when children see their parents divorce, they learn to have a more relaxed view of marriage and are less committed to marriage. This would lead them to be more inclined to divorce if problems arise in their own marriage. So, if a couple is considering divorce and they have children, they may want to think again. Not only does it have sad effects on the children, but it could lead to unhappiness in their future marriage.

 “Research has found the most common reasons people give for their divorce are lack of commitment, too much arguing, infidelity, marrying too young, unrealistic expectations, lack of equality in the relationship, lack of preparation for marriage, and abuse” (“How Common Is Divorce and What Are the Reasons?” 1). Most people do not know the seriousness of marriage and all the responsibility involved in a marriage. People get married when they are not prepared, and they have high expectations that sometimes are not fulfilled. As an overall solution, people need to be well educated about the commitment and seriousness of marriage. This way people will be more particular in choosing a partner and choosing the right time to get married. This will prove beneficial after a person has been married for years.

Camus and Absurdity

Divorce in itself is absurd. It may not seem that way because it is so common today, it almost seems normal. But by taking a deeper look into the meaning of marriage, it is clear to see that divorce is not normal. Merriam Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary defines marriage as “an intimate or close union” (Merriam Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary 713). It also defines union as “an act or instance of uniting or joining two or more things into one” (Merriam Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary 1292). Marriage is a bond, a union, of two people who love each other so much that they become one. Nowhere in the definitions is there any intent of the union being broken up. Marriages are not meant to be broken up. That is not what marriages are for.

Albert Camus, though, may have had a different opinion. He was married and divorced twice, showing that he did not have positive view about marriage. He felt that marriage was institutionalized, just a piece of paper to let the government know that someone was legally married. To Camus, love was repulsive (Class Discussion 4/22). He believed that life had no meaning. He may have felt that divorce meant nothing either, just another part of the daily routine. Based on Camus’ theory of routine, that may be a contributing factor to divorce. People feel their marriage is just going through a routine, so divorce may be the answer. After all, life has no meaning, so does it really matter what they do?

Conclusion

There are numerous trials and concerns involved before, during, and after, a divorce that can turn a person’s life upside down.  Divorce is a serious epidemic reaching every part of this world. It affects every member of the family, not just the couple. The husband and the wife face their own problems in a divorce, all ending in emotional, social, and sometimes financial strain. If children are involved, the problems are enhanced. Getting a divorce with children brings additional emotional strain to the parents. Of course, it has a large effect on the children emotionally, socially, and academically. Although divorce may bring some relief, in most cases it does more harm than good. There are many different solutions to this destructive epidemic, but overall people need to develop a more serious view of marriage. If people know more about the commitment and responsibility involved in a marriage, they will take it more seriously before and during the marriage. This will help them realize that divorce is not the answer even when problems arise. Divorce is prevalent in today’s world, but a person can save themselves from the heartache of this painful epidemic.

Works Cited

"Divorce." Global Issues in Context Online Collection, Gale, 2018. Global Issues in Context, http://link.galegroup.com/apps/doc/CP3208520283/GIC?u=txshracd2496&sid=GIC&xid=62364e77. Accessed 27 Feb. 2019.

Fagan, Patrick, and Robert Rector. “The Effects of Divorce on America.” The Heritage Foundation, 5 June 2000, www.heritage.org/marriage-and-family/report/the-effects-divorce-america.

“Honor ‘What God Has Yoked Together.’”  Watchtower ONLINE LIBRARY, 2019,wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/2018683#h=15:0-15:371.

“How Common Is Divorce and What Are the Reasons?” How Common Is Divorce and What Are the Reasons? | Your Divorce Questions, yourdivorcequestions.org/how-common-is-divorce/.

“Insight to the Scriptures.” Watchtower ONLINE LIBRARY, vol.1, 2015, wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/1200002694.

Leopold, Thomas, and Matthijs Kalmijn. “Is Divorce More Painful When Couples Have Children? Evidence From Long-Term Panel Data on Multiple Domains of Well-Being.” SpringerLink, Springer, 4 Nov. 2016, link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s13524-016-0518-2.

“Marriage.” Merriam Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, 10th ed., Thomas E. Stanley, 1996, pp. 713–713.

“Marriage & Divorce.” American Psychological Association, American Psychological Association, www.apa.org/topics/divorce/.

Perelli-Harris, Brienna, et al. “The Rise in Divorce and Cohabitation: Is There a Link?” Population and Development Review, John Wiley and Sons Inc., June 2017, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5518209/.

Stevens, Heidi. “What 5 Years of Divorce Have Taught Me.” Chicagotribune.com, 17 Sept. 2017, www.chicagotribune.com/lifestyles/stevens/ct-life-stevens-sunday-divorce-lessons-0730-story.html.

“Union.” Merriam Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, 10th ed., Thomas E. Stanley, 1996, pp. 1292–1292.

Wilcox, W. Bradford. “The Evolution of Divorce.” National Affairs, 2009, www.nationalaffairs.com/publications/detail/the-evolution-of-divorce.https://www.bworldonline.com/divorce-damaging-effect-children-society/.